Oh, Crap!

Seriously, does taking a dump need to be this difficult? At the customer
site where I am working they just installed these new toilet “lids”. NOTE:
It does not change the actual function of having to flush the toilet by
yourself. No infrared sensor. No motion sensor. You still have to pull
the handle. On the contrary, it provides you with a whole host of options
for your bum, ala Captain Kirk’s chair.

I cannot read Korean, but looking at the 1,2,3…15! sensors on the left it
seems I will need to pick up the manual before I even begin to err. “get down to
business”. (Really, the manual is hanging from the wall on the left. Not
shown).

The first feature that catches my eye is the digital LED of the
number 6. I am not sure what this I counting.

Is it the temperature? – No. To low even for Celsius.
Is it my weight? – Not unless we are on the moon.
Is it a countdown till the next auto spray? – Thankfully, no.
Is it the number of “kids” in the pool? – Now that would be something.

The fact is I could not figure out what it was counting, so I moved on. The
next icon I noticed was the bum with spray symbol shooting up into it. My
comment on this is “No way Jose”. Or hose B or any other hose that wants to
pop out and spray me. It seems there are at least 8 different angles from
which one might spray their bottom if they are so inclined. Now I
understand using chopsticks and getting your face all messy. What are the
Koreans doing that they need a 360 degree spray down?

There is a light symbol. What are we lighting up? There are several other
icons of which I could not read or identify by their “universal” symbol. I
guess it could be worse. It could be China’s hole in the ground. So, by
that comparison, it is a giant leap forward. I am just not sure why Asia
has to be all or nothing.

Another interesting tidbit is that it took two days to install these seats
in two bathrooms on the 30th of 35 floors. Was the need that great to
employ three electricians to wire a whole office tower for toilet seats? I
know I am just starting my MBA, but I fail to see how this company is making
any money. Actually, I guess I should be thinking if the salesman can
succeed in this shitty business he could sell anything.

Because I was curious and I was not going to be able to leave until I mashed
at least one button, I got up and pushed the one on the far right.
Correction, I positioned myself as far away from the toilet as possible in
the stall, so as not to get hit by any stray spray. I then used my foot to
reach out and push the one button on the right which was all by itself. I
figured it would either do something exciting or nothing at all. I was
right. It made a nice little squirt sound. The problem is I did not SEE
anything, so I am unsure just exactly WHAT got squirted.

On the plus side I must admit, I did enjoy the seat warmer.
Flush!

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