I got an email from Johnnie Walker today.  A few things that struck me as odd:

1. Mr. Johnnie Walker why are you emailing me? I am sure I opted in to some list somewhere, sometime, but we are not regular pals and you don’t write. I am not sure Mr. Glen Fiddich would be happy to hear I am talking to you.

2. “The proposal calls for a staggering increase in federal taxes on alcohol beverages of up to 229 percent!” – Uhmm, Don’t Senators drink too? I don’t think they would stand for a 229% increase. Maybe you meant 29%?

3. “hits the hard-working middle class by raising prices” – ok, but since you are emailing me about “lifestyle taxes” I must not be one of those hardworking middle class, right? I mean middle class don’t drink JW do they? It is a lifestyle drink, thus the choice of the well to do. Wait, I am confused… Did you just call me middle class?

4. “An estimated 160,000 people in the hospitality industry will lose their jobs” – I didn’t know that there were 160,000 people only serving alcohol? So, if I can’t afford JW or other “luxury” drinks then I will drink nothing? Thus no need for the hospitality folks? Won’t I still want at least a glass of water and then I’ll need someone to bring it to my middle-class dinning table for me thus actually CREATING 160,000 jobs for serving water instead of alcohol! Sweet! I am now in favor of this bill as it creates jobs.

5. “What’s next — a tax on my cheeseburger and fries?” – I could have sworn we already pay taxes at Burger King? The Whopper is never truly $0.99.

Johnnie, I am confused. Maybe I need a drink.