How to dress like an American

Originally uploaded by beuk

I was going to title this, “How to dress like a Westerner,” but then I realized I am not up to date on the fashion trends of the Europeans (give me ’til tomorrow :)

When out on the town we constantly get people noticing BabyG. Now, I know she is very cute, and she hears it all the time, but in my observations I think the real reason we draw so much attention is that she is dressed nicely. So, in an attempt to help my Taiwanese brethren I have assembled a How To guide on dressing your children appropriately:

1. Shoes – I am not going to say you need 20 pairs of baby shoes. Just two. Like a man needs one good brown and one black pair, a baby should have one white and one black pair. This way they will go with everything and you will not have to make decisions on whether pink goes with red (read on).
2. Wear Shoes! – we are working our way up and still on shoes. Here is my tip: Wear them! You cannot dress your baby in a snow suit, sweater, turtleneck, t-shirt, onsie, and blankets; THEN claim it is cold outside when it is 80F; and not wear shoes! If I have to see baby Michelin man running around he better have shoes, otherwise your misconstrued idea about below 92F days require 93 layers of clothes doesn’t hold up.
3. Split Pants – I thought we left these behind (pun intended) in China. If you have not just gotten off the new 70 minute flight from Shanghai, DO NOT DRESS YOUR KID IN SPLIT PANTS! There is not even any place for the dogs to poo, so I don’t know where you think you can suspend you lil kiddo and cop-a-squat. Sew up the butt!
4. PJs – Pajamas are for the home. They are meant to sleep in. While the ones with footies are a step up from no shoes, it doesn’t count. The excuse “But they are nice pajamas” also doesn’t count that is for the old folks in their silk drawers. Your child should have indoor and outdoor clothes and don’t mix them.
5. Colors – red and pink do NOT go together. I know you think red split pants with a pink t-shirt is attractive, but it is not. No one will tell you your baby is cute, they will just think he looks like a stale peppermint stick. If you are in doubt, pick one color and white. It almost always works and no one will get eye strain injuries from carrying your baby.

That is it! Hopefully with these tips you too can dress your kiddo like the foreigners and receive the “So Cute” praise on the street.

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