Maybe the long days spent at home on the couch watching the James Bond marathon are starting to get to me, but I swear my maid is spying on me. Today, I used the laundry room shower to wash the dog. While I was in there I got nosey and decided to open the Ayi’s drawer where she stores her phone and receipts (hey, it’s my house!). Lo and behold, I found a Styrofoam strip with about fifteen little circuits with copper wire hanging off them. They had six pins each and copper wire was loosely wrapped around a small disc. If Alias has taught me anything, it is that loosely wrapped wires conduct sound very well and that this little device would do well to monitor the audio in our house.

So, the question is why does the woman who finds the vacuum a challenging appliance need several little circuits? My first thought was that I should take a picture. I had my camera and everything, but then I thought, “No, tonight when she is gone.” This would have been a perfect plan. I was going to email my electrical engineer dad the picture and ask him what it could be used for. While I am thinking about all this the wife calls. I tell her there is something “important” I have to show her tonight. I am hesitant to discuss this because the Ayi is right there. We do not have a secret language to use on the phone because the Ayi “just happens” to speak Spanish and English as well as Chinese.

When B comes home I usher her into the bathroom, whip open the drawer and… THEY’RE GONE! (I knew I should have taken the picture.) The Ayi must have heard my discussion on the phone (or master control did) and she removed the evidence. PROOF CHINA IS SPYING ON US! It all makes so much sense now.

  1. When we moved in we needed an Ayi. The next day they were knocking on our door in droves. What are the chances that we got one that speaks all the same languages we do?
  2. The office complex gets quite upset if I am changing the light bulbs. They will send a guy out to do that. Why? What is he hiding?
  3. Today, the back door was open. The Ayi said she was sweeping up out back. In the middle of winter? With negative temperatures? And no living thing outside? She just happened to clean it up and conveniently left the back door open? I can only assume this was so they could change the tape in the middle of the night.

So, if you are a spy or China (same, same) and you know you are renting the house to a bunch of evil pig dog Americans, wouldn’t you bug the house BEFORE they moved in? Yeah, me too! So, I can only think that maybe it is not US that they are interested in, but… (dun, dun, duh) my father-in-law the super secret undercover CIA agent that is coming to visit us for Christmas. Yeah, I know he says he does missionary work, but this is just his cover. I think that China found out he is coming and had to act fast to get their “ears” in place. If I am right, this post will not even make it to my blog and you will never know our true story. If you do not hear from me in a week, come looking for me.

Fortunately for all of us the James Bond marathon on Star World is over and it is now zombie week.

Honey,… why are you looking at me like that???